So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
