That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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