none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
