i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
