I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
