omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
