ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
