I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
