There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
