i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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