Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
