So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
