I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
