I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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