I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize