I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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