I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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