508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
