Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I party with great urgency now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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