My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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