How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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