Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
