in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
