party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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