we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He shit in the fireplace
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
