2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
