Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Found your dick twin last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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