OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
