hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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