I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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