You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
