Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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