..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
