I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
