i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
