I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
