You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
