We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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