No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is classic penis vs brain.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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