you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
