Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
