remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Randomize
