Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
