the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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