I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
this hospital has no fireball
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize