this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
