Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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