and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize