babies were throwing up all over the place
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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