She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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