Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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