if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
