I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
