somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
