im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize