I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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