I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
