I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
