he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
