I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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