p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
