Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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