and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
