Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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