Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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