it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize