I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
